exonorated

Apparently, shoveling gravel/large and medium sized rocks from the flight line onto the gator (small ATV like vehicle with 6 wheels) for three and a half hours has caught up with me. not only am i sore all over, but my tailbone hurts :(

leave it to me to find the positive in this; as fortunately for me,. i am rarely unable to recognize the "beauty from pain"
shoveling all of that damned gravel gave me all the time to think that i could ask for.

So i thought....and i thought, and i analyzed....and true to the kayla that you all know and love, you can bet your paws that i OVER analyzed. The more i thought, analyzed and over analyzed, i began to rationalize that i need to yet again emanate building up certain walls in which to protect myself from all of the ugliness in the world. the repulsiveness that comes from misunderstandings, people, accusations,situations....so i am electing to do something different. i am going to "do me". My heart cant afford to even think about doing anything else. At all.

While my family will still be my main focus, i have absolutely no business seeking out ridiculousness such as romance any time soon. apparently this is something i had learned the hard way after something i experimented shortly after my failed marriage.

I suppose i am just finding reasons in which to channel the happiness that's been hiding in my back pocket lately because i have so much to take on this year. This is the year of surprises, new beginnings, forgiveness, and new challenges. I am nowhere near focused on affairs of the heart. I now have far more important things to think about.

I chose the person i married, and we all know how well that worked out for me,so this time i am letting God choose my soul mate.

I am just so blessed with a realistic yet positive outlook, and this is mostly due to the fact that these past few months, i have overcome a plethora of ludicrous bullshit. I have decided to let sleeping dogs lie, including personal relationships with certain people, as in the past few months i have found it ineffective to beat a dead horse. When things arent meant to be, they just arent meant to be.
No matter how bad the heart might want it to be.

I've come to recognize that the person God chooses for me will be a better fit than the last person i married. He will be emotionally strong, authoritative when the need arises, affectionate, and perhaps a little cheesy. I'm so over giving myself to others who saturate my heart with their watered down affections. I should be told i kick ass on a regular basis, and i should expect nothing less of what i give. Which has been the case in the past.
I am kayla, and a little affection goes a long way with me.
but lately, a LITTLE MORE AFFECTION goes further.